but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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