All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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