i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
