It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
