So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
