Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
