I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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