when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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