3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
