just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
