What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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