While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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