Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
