fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
smell my finger.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
