I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
