you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
