HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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