its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
