If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
