turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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