my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
