I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
