I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
