i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
