i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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