What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
