I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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