between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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