I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
