My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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