She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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