where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i think i just lost a toe
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
