maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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