you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
