I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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