If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
