My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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