ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize