I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
