I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
