just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
