so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
