I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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