my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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