god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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