I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
