She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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