If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
