My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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