my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
