On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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