come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
