You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
