who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
