Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
