i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
