She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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