Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
