Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
