i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
