I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize