hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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