Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
