Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
