Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
