Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
