I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
