This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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