After last night, I could never be a politician.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
