Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
